Today I turn 53. I keep on waiting to feel old…. yes, my body feels and acts old - but my mind, my initiative and ability to move and learn new things haven't slowed down….. I often feel as if I should look for the responsible adult when I’m out doing something, until I realize I AM the adult!
Don't get me wrong, I’m not complaining!! I like being older than Google, I like that I don’t give a damn about what people think about me - I feel more calm and free than I’ve done ever. I'm extremely happy that all my stupidities are NOT online on an old facebook or SeMe page for the world to see!
Yes - I quite like being a Queenager! You know - a Queenager, someone just like a teenager, only with money and with the experience to make good decisions - not just in Lust for NOW, but also for the Providence of tomorrow. I absolutely LOVE the ability to be happy for smaller things in life; early evenings, good coffee with a view, the smell of my newly shaved husbands kiss, socks and blankets and purring cats and books in any order.......
Now I realise - I quite like my body! This has taken me 53 years! She has given me quite a ride - a really great life, and I’m finally feeling at home and beautiful in my own body and being.
I feel as if my mind and my body are finally starting to line up, synchronize, maybe because I always felt older than what I really was.... so, I’m very grateful! Yes, she isn't thin and defined, my stomach is saggy because of operations I needed, my triceps can happily wave whenever I'm doing any kind of housework, pacing me forward..... but she's all mine, and she has been amazing! Kept me safe and sound, told me when I needed to take care, protected me from pain, both physically and mentally. I think it's time for me to take lovingly care of her now, to repay the favor!
I spent a week with likeminded women this summer and it was amazing. So many discussions, new perspectives and ideas….. and realizations about how I want my future to look; I want to work less, have time for me in my daily life. Time for knitting, doing yoga, leaning new skills…. I want to show up FOR ME as I’ve been there for my clients until now. As I should, being the most important person around me!
I've been at Vesterhavet in Denmark since mid-August, every day I've been in the North sea, often more times than one. I feel strongly connected with water - and I don't mean the "false" water like the lakes and ponds in Europe...... no, I mean the TRUE water, the Ocean, the entirety of body that holds us.
You can't control Her, the Ocean - you can only tread carefully and be very attentive to what She without words tells you; is She powerful and treacherous? Is She calm and still? Will She allow you to play or will She lure you out only to take you down?? She is the Ultimate Queenager; She does what She likes and doesn't care what you think! It doesn't matter if you are at the coast of Denmark or Varkala in South India - you have to take care, She's the boss!
On top of that, I've found I can control my menopause with the visits at sea, I can keep my hot flashes at bay with a cold dip every day..... and now I'm sad as I don't have access to water like that where I live!
So, the North Sea has taught me to be attentive and listen to what is said without communation. Sometimes it's a feeling or a little hint, and the most important is if you're allowing yourself the time to listen to it. Take it seriously - plan accordingly. Beause, honestly...... at my age you don't feel like wasting time doing something that's not any good for you! You have the time and the expericence to stop up, reconsider, and then act.
The time to breathe and turn inwards.
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